How many times as a parent have you been pacing the room with a screaming baby, saying over and over “Shhhh….don’t cry….its okay…..hush now…” and getting more and more frustrated because you can’t soothe your baby successfully?
It is incredibly frustrating to want to help and not be able to. It is infuriating, frightening, and exhausting to be trying and trying to get a baby to stop crying. Especially if you are also sleep deprived and have the weight of your life on your shoulders also.
So what should you do? Well, I am certainly not going to suggest that you stop trying to soothe your baby and let her cry it out.
But there is a way to help shift the challenge in soothing your baby.
Instead of trying to get a baby to stop crying, why not try to get them TO cry? And instead of hushing your baby, try empathizing.
Think of the last time you were very upset and at wits end. Maybe even you were in the midst of having a good cry yourself….imagine being in the middle of expressing your anger or grief and someone comes along and pats you and says, “Hush now….don’t cry…you’re fine.”
Hmmmm…..or imagine instead someone coming along and saying, “Wow….yeah, you’re really upset…I get it. Thanks for sharing. I’m here for you” (Or maybe they say nothing at all, but just are with you with quiet presence.)
Which scenario feels more supportive?
Babies are no different. They don’t want to be hushed, they want to be HEARD. Help them to express their emotions safely and fully by saying things soothingly like, “I’m right here…..you’re not alone….I really hear how hard it is for you….I’m so glad you can tell me what it was like….you’re safe….”
In addition to supporting your baby’s emotional development, you are also able to soothe yourself. The goal is no longer to “get the baby to stop crying and be happy.” The goal is now, “Support the baby to fully feel her feelings, so peace can find her.” And you can feel successful at empathy, strongly connected, and fully present instead of frustrated, irritable and unsuccessful.
Its a small shift in mindset, but one that can change how you think about handling upsets with your baby.